Celebrating a year of almost shielding, a year of recovery. Celebrating the upcoming spring equinox. By sitting in the jungle yard once again and just staring into the green and the blue skies and listening to birds.
It almost seems I had not done much else over the past year. It has been much needed.
Tidied up the studio today and been reminded once again of the things I had intended, wanted to do once and possibly still want to do.
I do want to write that anti/psychiatric novel. The only thing holding me back is myself…while still on the road of #artofwithdrawal recovery…seven years ago when in Czech I had intended to write a recovery story where the main protagonist had ditched her medicated life, followed her art/ist calling and moved to London…since then I had been becoming it rather than writing it. Ditching medicated life has been proving more challenging than anything I had ever done before though. So now enjoying the intermezzo between attempts while shielding waiting on the right dosage to be prescribed, leveling out.
Since the beginning of the year I had also been on The Artist’s Way Circle journey…with two dear friends, sharing our creative re/dis/coveries on a weekly basis.
In week nine, recovering the sense of compassion, I have been looking at the things I had abandoned and potential creative u-turns. Writing this is one of them. Blasting through blocks I realized that the thing that is standing between me and this potential project is the fear. Fear of reception. And fear of mis/understanding. That rings all the bells in my belfry. Writing a memoire based piece around falling into and living with a psychiatric diagnosis and the journey and search for full and true recovery…sounds just like something I need to write. For myself. The fact that I am afraid no-one else may be interested in reading this points to the total devaluation of my voice of experience I had somehow, perhaps not surprisingly, picked up somewhere along the way. Anyway…
Time to write. Time to right a few things…and see where that takes me. Time to celebrate the being now, here, right now and nothing else matters.