Surfacing and Throwing away the Past

These two paintings have come about as an answer to my process…I felt like following up the urge to step into the canvas…and paint with my hands.

The first one started off as gesture of resting (spočinutí) and when I followed the painterly process it turned out to be about something else. I call it Surfacing. It caught me by surprise. I thought this was behind me. Just a memory.

The second painting started as a series of gestures played out on tracing paper with using all the paint I put on my palms. From reaction of “throwing the past back” to dancing in the ellis (old word for bog), to drowning and being re-born and saved/embraced. They emerged in the interplay of the painting gestures and images occurring in front of me.

This piece came about when I stayed in the studio after declining an invitation to go and see the Koestler (?) Collection (art of currently incarcerated and sectioned people). I just felt it might bring up some stuff I’d rather not go into again. Why go back into pain? So this one came as an intuitive answer.

Writing this I can feel something coming off my chest…so that might be it :-). There you go. It is now off my chest. Even in a painterly way.

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What happens when…Tracing myself, my innertapes and my process…

What happens when you start to listen to the inner tape and hear what it says for real?

It might take you to a new place in your arting.

I have been doing that over the past few days and a completely new way of painting has emerged for me.

This is the process in visuals.

It started off with me doing one of my #cycleselfies I had been doing in August-September. But this time I had included what the negative voices in my head had been telling me. Pretty shitty, I tell you. I then thought…right what would it take for me not to feel like a copy? And I followed the impulse to step into the canvas and paint with my own body. Hence the first piece #reachingouttomyself. I was fascinated to see the traces of my body and went onto experiment with them. And the other pieces ensued. #making lovetothecanvas, #headless, #butterfliesinmylap and #bigbaby. Not to mention how enlivened I feel creating these, despite their darkness.

How do they make you feel? What do you think about them? What is your reaction to it?